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Review
"[A] powerful convergence of events that Conley portrays eloquently." —Washington Post"The power of Conley’s story resides not only in the vividly depicted grotesqueries of the therapy system, but in his lyrical writing about sexuality and love, and his reflections on the Southern family and culture that shaped him." —Los Angeles Times“This brave and bracing memoir is an urgent reminder that America remains a place where queer people have to fight for their lives. It’s also a generous portrait of a family in which the myths of prejudice give way before the reality of love. Equal parts sympathy and rage, Boy Erased is a necessary, beautiful book.” —Garth Greenwell, author of What Belongs to You"A brave, powerful meditation on identity and faith, Boy Erased is the story of one man’s journey to accepting himself and overcoming shame and trauma in the midst of deep-rooted bigotry." —Buzzfeed (Buzzfeed's Hot Summer Reads)"A moving memoir about discovering your true self, Boy Erased is a must-read." —Bustle “Boy Erased is a gut-punch of a memoir, but the miracle of this book is the generosity with which Conley writes in an effort to understand the circumstances and motivations that led his family to seek the “cure”… his memoir is not simply a story of survival — in this book, a true writer comes of age. Conley writes vividly, with intelligence, wit, and genuine empathy. By embracing complexity and compassion, he reclaims his life and reminds us that a story rarely belongs to one person alone.” —LA Review of Books“Well-written, compelling, disturbing, and ultimately quite bracing, this is an important, refreshingly unsentimental perspective on the dangers and abuses of ex-gay therapy ministries.” —Bay Area Reporter“Wrenching and absorbing.” —Travel and Leisure “A compelling story of perseverance and humanity.” —Outsmart Magazine“Boy Erased isn’t a smug tale of liberal awakening: Conley is frank and articulate about the sense of loss that has come with denying his religion and, as a consequence, the family he still loves…[Conley’s] writerly eye often wanders outside non-fiction’s usual constraints. Writing stories is the work he wants to do; this book is clearly the work he needed to do.” —Toronto Star"Exceptionally well-written... This timely addition to the debate on conversion therapy will build sympathy for both children and parents who avail themselves of it while still showing how damaging it can be." —Publishers Weekly, STARRED review“In a sharp and shocking debut memoir, Conley digs deep into the ex-gay therapy system… An engaging memoir that will inevitably make readers long for a more equal future.” —Kirkus Reviews “Closely observed feelings are the fuel that drives this complex coming-of-age account… Moving and thought provoking.” —Booklist"An essential document of the early 21st Century. Conley bears witness to something history will eventually condemn as too horrible to have happened, but he also takes the pain of "ex-gay therapy" and makes of it not just a record but a wonder."—Alexander Chee, author of The Queen of the Night “A brave account of a young man coming to terms with his sexuality in an environment that reviles him for it. A triumphant, heartfelt story.” —Julia Scheeres, New York Times–bestselling author of Jesus Land and A Thousand Lives"Garrard Conley has a hell of story to tell, but he tells it with complete intelligence and gravity and beauty. This is a book that matters on every level, from the most intimate to the most political, and it settles into the reader's memory perfectly and permanently. Boy Erased is the book for our times — an important book, and a true companion." —Rebecca Lee, author of Bobcat and Other Stories “Conley tells his story beautifully, with candor and courage and with compassion not only for the boy he was but for the parents who sent him to ex-gay therapy. Here at last is a story of evangelical homophobia from the inside, from a survivor and former believer, rather than from the incredulous outside. A vital book for young people still struggling with self-hatred inside the church and for anyone who’s escaped it.” —Maud Newton “Garrard Conley’s memoir about his time in the ex-gay movement is actually about surviving an attempt at soul-murder. This is a book that had to be written, and it deserves a wide audience.” —Charles Baxter, author of The Feast of Love “In 1982, Edmund White broke literary ground with his memoir A. Now it’s Garrard Conley’s turn to bring his own story to readers. As White was three decades ago for his generation, Conley is an important and necessary contemporary voice.” —Ann Hood, author of The Knitting Circle and Comfort
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About the Author
Garrard Conley is the author of the New York Times bestselling memoir Boy Erased, which has been translated in over a dozen languages and is now a major motion picture. Conley is also a creator and producer of the podcast UnErased, which explores the history of conversion therapy in America through interviews, historical documents, and archival materials provided by the Mattachine Society of Washington, D.C. His work can be found in The New York Times, TIME, VICE, CNN, BuzzFeed, Them, Virginia Quarterly Review, and The Huffington Post, among other places. Conley lives in New York City with his husband, and is currently at work on a novel about queer 18th century lives. He can be found online @gayrodcon and garrardconley.com.
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Product details
Paperback: 352 pages
Publisher: Riverhead Books; Reprint edition (February 7, 2017)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0735213461
ISBN-13: 978-0735213463
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.9 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.0 out of 5 stars
164 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#10,092 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
It would be easy for this book to have taken on a very different tone. Garrard Conley’s time with the ex-gay conversion group seems the sort of thing which could enrage you, once you come out of the mental chaos this pseudo-science pastiche of self-help jargon, addiction methodology and fringe (at least today, and for most people) fundamentalist beliefs. It could have been, arguably legitimately, full of bitterness, reproach, and mocking derision of the people engaged in this effort to reverse what most of us know feel (know) to be foundational qualities of each human being: who can provide romantic, spiritual, mental and sexual completion to us. Or more simply, who we love. But there is a quality to this book, perhaps a humility which comes from still loving the people he grew up with, the values they instilled, the faith that he had. He sums it up at one point by saying “it’s complicated.†I might say in addition, he shows it can be nuanced. You can love a person, but disagree with them. You can value a religion, but not all of it. You can condemn what a person does, but still see there is humanity in there, however deep. You can do this, but still hold on to and advance stronger beliefs: hypocrisy has no role in important conversations. We have rights, like being who are, being free to think for ourselves, to seek knowledge, and engage in debates about it. The events in this book range from a lifetime to less than two weeks of conversion therapy. I felt I understood his well intentioned attempt to try this, to respect his upbringing and his family, and how the attempt almost derailed his life. His mother’s presence is captured as a depiction of how parental love can both push a person toward what one thinks is right, but when seeing things hurt their child, rise up to defend them; his father’s similarly, how one can work to form a child, give them the knowledge and ability to prosper in life, but also to realize that if isn’t what they need, to accept that. I hope Garrard is able to make a happy life for himself, and kind of feel he will. I hope this book can help people who have experienced, as I have (not to his extent) the challenge of being gay in the gap between the generational change we have seen in our lifetimes. And in a way, by how he maintains love and respect for the people in his life who were unable to accept his homosexuality, help bring understanding between people who would instead be condemning each other as bigots or blasphemers. It is so much better to be in communication than to be right.
This is powerful writing. I could not put it down. The author's account of his time in the ex-gay "therapy group" is profoundly moving - as the days pass and the author reveals his increasing stubborn resistance to what the counsellors are trying to do to him I felt like cheering him on. Thank God I never had to undergo such a truly painful experience - at 76 now - when I faced my own struggle between the fundamentalist Baptist faith I was raised in and my own homosexuality the ex-gay movement didn't exist in Australia. But I share the author's pain when inevitably by accepting one's own sexuality one cannot help but wound the God-fearing parents one truly loves. Yes indeed, Gerrard, it's complicated. And the angst never truly passes completely. This account is the very best I have ever read of such a personal story. I thank the author for writing it and urge people who want or need to understand this issue to read it.
For every "Boy Erased" there is a "Simon vs. the Homo-Sapiens Agenda" or a "Call Me By Your Name".. Unfortunately, the latter two are fiction, while Garrard Conley's memoir is an unfortunate, if beautiful, reminder of the uphill battle many LGBTQIA+ Americans still face not only from society at large, but from those who should be most able to love and support them unconditionally: their families.In between vivid and searing passages describing his experience with the pseudo-psychology and half-baked Freudian analysis of Love In Action's conversion therapy, Conley includes beautiful, lyrical flashbacks to provide not only context for his decision to voluntarily enter therapy, but also to demonstrate his deep love for his parents and his willingness to put himself through hell and back for them. Many of these scenes had an extremely uncomfortable resonance with me, having also grown up in a Southern Baptist congregation. Perhaps the most illuminating scene in the novel is the event that causes Conley to walk out of Love In Action: when a counselor tries to force him to admit that he hates his father- the evangelical preacher who delivered to him an ultimatum: choose between conversion therapy or be disowned- he is unable to summon any anger for his parents. Through everything, he loves his family.Despite all of the anguish inflicted on the author, he has managed to deliver a tale that is at turns haunting and touching, yet somehow without vitriol, even though there is plenty of potential anger and blame to spread around to his parents, to his church and community, to Love In Action and Exodus International, or to society at large. Instead, his narrative ends with his mother, realizing the damage being done to her son, removes him from therapy. The lack of condemnation and or reciprocal hate in Conley's narrative is at once refreshing and disappointing. Were this not a true story, the lack of conflict at the end would seem unsatisfying... But as a recounting of actual events, the lack of anger and hate is refreshing.
I understand that writing can be therapeutic, and I am sympathetic with the writer. I don't think anyone should have to go through what he did. I just didn't think there was a logical flow to the writing itself. It was difficult to follow with how much it jumped around. I don't think everything that happened at LIA could have been told. I honesty didn't get what happened that made him feel suicidal. This is what leads me to believe that something was left out. Maybe the most painful experiences have been blocked out of the writer's memory, or weren't able to be shared because of a contract signed with LIA, I'm not sure. I was just never able to connect with the authors pain because of the constant jumping around or lack of experience shared or possibly both. I just had a difficult time pushing through this book.
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